I was faced with a choice in 2018, kill myself or kill the programming.
I had some help and that help would go on to become a profound and magical experience interwoven with lots of self work
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Stepping into Fear is the Fuel to Grow Your Greatness
Marcus Matthews • Jul 20, 2022
A new chapter begins.
I asked the universe "How can I be seen for the value I bring as a therapist and coach?"
It appears I have to start a workout program - That sucks!!!!!
Over the past four years I have really invested in my own personal development and that energy has not yet tipped to a point where I am living in true abundance, so why bother?
Two of the biggest blocks I am yet to overcome are my weight and money. The irony though is they are both linked.
For as long as I can remember I have never lived a life where I have felt financially stable and I have never really been slim, although I have a very different mindset, heart set and soul set on this now.
The biggest block I have had to overcome is investing in myself, financially yes, but also allowing myself to put myself first.
It is how we frame our experiences which allow us to continue the journey of self-mastery and that comes by using the bullshit you tell yourself as fuel. The goodness is in the dark not the light.
When I broke in 2018, I was forced to make some big decisions. Often we are forced to choose, rather than making an informed decision on resolving the challenges in our lives and the reason I didn’t get help before was always – I can’t afford it, and I don’t trust things can change.
That journey, which is still ongoing, has been one of pain, joy, disconnection, connection, self-doubt, self-awareness, self-love, lots of crying, frustration and moments of blissful joy, that I can’t even explain.
I know that will continue for the rest of my life and I have now chosen to accept that is part of the process of being human, to dive in to the fear and doubt, the work is not in the application, but the surrender to the process of belief.
Now I am facing a new challenge, alongside building my business and continuing to work on my relationship with money. This one is about weight, but the mind manifests what you believe, so my belief is that the weight around my business and money has manifested in weight in physical form.
I have noticed that when in lack, my body grows and when in abundance it feels slimmer, so it’s time for a new approach to see what happens.
Yes Universe I want to be seen but not like this
“The feeling that cannot find his expression in tears will cause other organs to weep.”
Marisa Peer
It is crucial to allow ourselves to feel our feelings instead of fighting them off and not processing them so I wanted to express how I am feeling.
When we start something new, where we feel out of control, the mind will always hijack us, this blog isn’t just for you the reader, it’s for me.
To hold myself accountable for what is coming.
I haven’t a clue how to resolve the issue of my weight and I am handing myself over to a coach, who I don‘t really know, I don’t know their results, all I do know is I need to resolve this major barrier.
After visiting the Mindvalley Super Coach event and listening to 10X creators Lorenzo Delano and Ronan Oliveira I knew it was now or never.
When I say I know, I want to be clear, to know is not logical, to know is to feel it’s the right thing, even if your mind is telling you to stop, to know, is putting faith over fear, accepting that it may not work but doing it anyway.
10X is a program which uses a lot of science, which intrigues me and being a geek, it all makes sense logically, but is it available to me?
10X is a program by Mindvalley and my journey started with Mindvalley and Marisa Peer back in 2018 and the results and experiences I have had since have been profound, so although I know there is no magic bullet, this feels right because I trust the source.
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher" Oprah Winfrey
Whilst in Tallin I noticed so much abundance, beauty and love and no one judged me, I felt connected for the first time in a long time. The people I met looked great, they were smart but more importantly people came to find me to tell me how much value my questions and input, during the 4 months many of us had worked together, helped them, but I felt massive shame at the same time, I felt guilt and anger in myself.
Inside I know who I am but the outside did not reflect that, I wasn’t comparing myself with others, in fact previously I got really pissed off with these slim, good looking, wealthy people sharing their stories and me saying, “it’s ok for you, you were a CEO, you were in a position where you have money and authority, a position of power. You went to university which opened opportunity”.
I know this is all bullshit, but it didn’t make it feel any better.
In that moment though as the bliss and anger collided, it hit me like a train.
"You can have this , because no one is judging you, you are judging you and you are worthy of the money, the great body and a healthy and abundant life".
This was a feeling I had not felt in a long time and I am so grateful for it.
I watched the amazing coaches on stage in Tallin and for the first time I didn’t feel they were above me, in fact besides the fact they looked good, the words they were speaking were my words, my thoughts, my realisations, I could have easily walked on stage and given the same presentation
but……….
A voice in my head said, "the inside of the shop is great but the outside is lacking", no one will take you seriously!!!!
Fuck You!!!!
It was actually Vishen Lakhiani’s talk on style which surprised me the most.
I am smiling now because those same words came into my head as Vishen spoke
“It’s alright for you to talk about style coaches you can afford it”
But when he spoke about what style is and that we are visual creatures and to deny ourselves style is to deny the world of our presence something clicked.
Clearly my ego was also saying
“You do know this is a sales pitch right?”, but deep down the universe was saying
“You have been avoiding this next journey for years so it’s time”.
Remember the question you asked me
“How can I be seen for my value and skill – this is how”.
My thought was:
“Fuck you Vishen and the Universe – but I know you are right”
Ego, pride and stubbornness, take a back seat, this could get messy.
Often we ask for a sign or the answers to a question, but rarely act when the sign or answer appears, the mind loves what is familiar and that is why we all stay stuck.
As a coach I can help others with this, but when it comes to your own shit it is different right?
This is why I had to invent by own shit removal system which I now use with my clients.
Every time I hit a block I run the block through my F.A.C.T.S to abundance system.
I had used this 4 months ago when I signed up for the Mindvalley Certified Coach program, I didn't need a qualification I needed connection to raise my vibration, so I maxed my credit card out again - Don't tell my wife!!!!
The F.A.C.T.S to Abundance
Let me explain my own process to stepping into this new era of my life and why I decided to now commit to my health.
I have used this for many years with my clients and it is the method I created for a situation called Stepping out of the Valley. The moment when you realise you have slipped into an abyss and whilst everyone at the top of the valley is telling you what to do, no one is actually coming down to save you.
What is abundance?
Abundance isn’t about money or stuff, abundance isn’t about perfection.
Abundance for me is the feeling of purpose, connection and self-love and the journey to abundance is a lot more about giving away than it is gaining.
But you don't know what you don't know, so how can you feel what you have never felt?
Stepping into Fear
The F stands for Fear and fear is a simple construct of the mind. Your mind is there to keep you alive and connects to what is familiar and hates the unfamiliar, so as I start this journey, which I have attempted so many times with limited success, what am I telling myself?
I don’t believe I can do this
I don’t want to weigh my food, go for a walk everyday
I don’t want to go to the gym
I don’t want………
We automatically go to the negative, the worst case.
I don’t want to spend money – Why?
We want the result before we invest – so we sit in a cycle of fear and freeze.
Cortisol washes through our body and we fight the process, we run away and make excuses and then freeze, some more.
We are built this way, so you are not alone, it's our biological process to stop us being killed.
What is the antidote the Fear?
Connection – Connection is what we need, to feel safe.
I reached out to find a coach to help me, I resisted getting a coach and mentor for years, simply because in the past so many people I trusted for advice let me down, but what I found was the right coach can change your life in a moment.
The right coach though isn’t the one with the flashy website, with what appears to be the perfect life, the right coach is the one you feel can help you, so it all starts with a conversation.
With fear under control the next step is Action, the second letter in the F.A.C.T.S to abundance
Action means setting the first intention, in my case, reaching out, asking a question and starting a conversation.
Once I had the information and I felt the person wasn’t trying to sell to me and they came from a place of authenticity I was then ready to look at my options.
What am I choosing to accept in my life?
Choice - The third letter of F.A.C.T.S
Choosing
– What were my choices, step into fear not knowing the outcome and doing it anyway or choosing to do nothing and accept my life, my physic, my health, my thoughts and feelings around the way I looked.
When I spoke to my 10X coach we had a vulnerable conversation and we came to an agreement and a plan, so although the doubt and fear still remains, I felt connected and felt possibility.
Staying where I am is no longer a choice.
This is why the F.A.C.T.S require Trust.
Yes trusting in the person you are working with but actually trusting yourself, becoming responsible for the process, playing your part.
Belief in yourself will create a vibration, that sends a clear message out to the universe that you are ready.
Trust the universe has your back
How do you know if you will survive the fall if you don't jump?
F.A.C.T.Stepping out into possibility
Then we take the last part, which for many is the hardest bit – It all makes sense, but the S is Stepping forward, doing the work, being accountable.
After starting the onboarding process I was so aware of the resistance and excuses that started to come out. My subconscious mind telling me
“Don’t do this we are going to die”.
Subconsciously of course.
Luckily, I have done enough inner work to put my mind in its place because my heart, the love for myself, my family and for all those people stuck in fear that I help, is greater than any doubt.
It’s been a four-year journey of failing a lot and succeeding a little to allow me to trust the process, but we all have to start at some point right.
We really don't fear the jump, we fear the fall and that is why having a coach, mentor or therapist is your safety net.
They are not there to fly the plane, they are there to help you learn how to fly the plane, so you can create your own adventures.
But doing it alone is hard - We are Tribal
As humans we are hardwired for connection, but in a connected world the challenge is connecting with someone who will give you energy, not take it away.
The fear of investing in yourself, is about balance and as humans we prefer to take without giving and the world has never been so fearful, the world and the narrative has never been so hostile, but you create your feelings, you are powerful, you are enough.
Just find the people who truly care, want to help you and ensure a fair exchange of energy.
NOW WHAT?
Let me end this with a few questions:
What do you fear and why?
What is stopping you taking action and why?
What are you choosing and why?
What do you need to build trust in yourself and others and why?
What is stopping you and why?
These are the question I always ask, but often I can't do it alone ..... is it worth putting faith over fear?
The only question that anyone needs to answer is this .....
Why do I feel the way I do?
That answer lies in the subconscious mind and although I am on a new journey, the road I have travelled so far has allowed me to find the answers to my own why’s but also that of my clients, to help them step into possibility and their own greatness.
Fear, anxiety, hopelessness are the answers to your question, not the barrier to your greatness and that is what I help people discover.
If you found this article useful, then please share because there maybe someone who needs help and they may need to find someone they can connect with so they can find the possibility in themselves once more.
This may be a difficult read for some, but try to see men from a different angle and not through the lens of the femine.
What is Manifestation and Law of Attraction?
When I broke I had one question - Why do I feel the way I do?
In the quest for success, many presume that the amalgamation of skill, authority, and financial prowess marks the zenith of achievement. Yet, experience and observation reveal a more complex tapestry defining true success. It's not merely about elevating oneself to a pedestal of societal recognition but about finding harmony in one's purpose, happiness, and, fundamentally, the environment one thrives in. Success, for many, is an external validation of achievement. However, this perception barely scratches the surface of what it truly means to be successful. The essence lies not in the accumulation of wealth or influence but in the ability to foster genuine relationships, nurture a sense of purpose, and, most importantly, cultivate an environment conducive to growth. The Role of Environment in Shaping Success A pivotal realisation in my journey has been that while skill, talent, passion, and hard work are critical, they pale in comparison to the influence of one's environment. This concept is subtly mirrored in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, although its interpretation requires delicacy. The foundational needs—physiological and safety—are undeniably crucial. Yet, their fulfillment alone doesn't guarantee success. It's the higher levels, particularly love, belongingness, and ultimately self-actualisation, that are the true catalysts for success. Breaking Maslow's Mold: The Path to True Success The journey to success often involves adhering to conventional paths, much like following Maslow's model. However, those who achieve remarkable success tend to deviate from this path, prioritising purpose and connection over mere survival or conformity. True success, therefore, might be better represented not by a pyramid but by a diamond—a symbol of strength, brilliance, and multifaceted depth. However like the diamond they are tought to find and the environment in which they reside can be a difficult environement to access. The Diamond Framework for Achieving Success To attain true success, one must embark on a journey of self-discovery, knowing oneself fully. This self-awareness breeds confidence and self-esteem, propelling one towards self-actualisation. However, the journey doesn't stop there. Success is a symphony played on the strings of thought, emotion, alignment with like-minded individuals, and a nurturing environment. 1. Thought: Knowing what you want. 2. Emotion: Understanding why you want it. 3. Alignment: Surrounding yourself with people who share your values and vision. 4. Environment: Being in a place that amplifies your desires and aspirations. It's a harmonious blend of these elements, set against the backdrop of a supportive environment, that paves the way for true success. The Mentorship Paradigm: From Luke Skywalker to Harry Potter Every iconic success story, from fictional heroes like Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter to real-life titans, features a pivotal moment of mentorship—a guide who says, "I've got you." This mentorship is a testament to the power of connection and authenticity. It's about showing up as your true self and creating a ripple effect that transcends your immediate surroundings. Success Redefined: A Ripple Across the World Success, in its most profound sense, is about more than just personal achievement. It's about creating connections that foster a broader impact, embodying your authentic self in a way that resonates with others and inspires a collective movement towards a greater good. In a world that often equates success with material gain, it's crucial to remember the deeper dimensions of success. It's not just about what you achieve but how you achieve it—through authenticity, purposeful connections, and a supportive environment that resonates with your true self. If you are still searching If you are still searching, waiting, although you are taking action then fear not, keep showing up to quote Winson Churchill "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It's the courage to continue that counts"
In 2018 I broke - I made a promise that I didn't want anyone to go through what I went through but this is what I have realised.
Forging Authentic Paths in a Mainstream World: Insights from Coffee Choices to Life's Biggest Decisions
In the ever-evolving landscape of business, understanding the human element—particularly the dichotomy between those who take and those who give—is crucial. At the heart of this understanding is a simple, yet profound concept: the importance of "sitting in the mud." For the heart-centered individuals among us, those whose essence is to support, uplift, and contribute to the collective well-being, the journey is often marked by selfless giving. Yet, this path is not without its challenges. The primary struggle for these altruistic souls is the depletion of their energy, not by the act of giving, but by the lack of reciprocal support and understanding. In a world that increasingly values quick fixes and tangible gains, the heart-centered find themselves in a precarious position. When they falter, when they find themselves "stuck in the mud," what they need most is not solutions or advice, but companionship. They need someone to simply be with them in their moment of vulnerability, to acknowledge their struggle without judgment or haste to rectify it. However, the reality often deviates from this ideal. Instead of presence, heart-centered individuals are met with well-intentioned solutions or, in more disheartening scenarios, abandonment. This dynamic forces them into silence, bearing their burdens alone to avoid burdening others. The irony is palpable: those who give the most find themselves invisible, their contributions and their needs overshadowed by a world that moves too fast to notice. The repercussions extend beyond the personal to the professional realm. In the context of team dynamics and brand building, the undervaluing of heart-centred individuals can lead to a profound loss. These are the people who foster trust, nurture relationships, and build the kind of brand loyalty that transcends transactional interactions. Yet, when their authenticity becomes a target for the self-centred, it's not just the individual that suffers, but the entire organisational culture and, by extension, the brand itself. So, how do we address this imbalance? The first step is recognition. Recognising the invaluable contributions of heart-centred team members and understanding their unique needs is foundational. As leaders and colleagues, we must learn the art of "sitting in the mud" with them. This means offering our presence, listening without the urge to fix, and valuing their well-being as much as their output. A great question to consider it "What do you need"? Not "What do you need from me, but what do you need"? Often it's to be seen and action taken to allow them to have purpose and meaning. Many heart centred people hide their dreams to put others before them, what they need is someone to sit in the mud and say "I got you, what do you need", they don't want pulling out of the mud they need to feel valued by action, not by words. Creating an environment where vulnerability is not just accepted but valued is key. This involves cultivating a culture of empathy, where every member feels seen, heard, and appreciated for their authentic selves. In such an environment, the heart-centred can thrive, and their propensity for giving can be sustained and protected. In conclusion, the strength of a team, and by extension a brand, lies in its ability to embrace and support all its members, especially those whose default mode is to give. By learning to sit in the mud with our heart-centred colleagues, we not only uplift them but elevate our collective potential. It's in these moments of shared vulnerability that the deepest connections are formed, laying the groundwork for a brand built on genuine trust and unwavering loyalty. This is how you create a brand that people love and connect to because it transcends the self to serve the world. If you resonate with this blog then why not get in touch. Need someone to help you step into your authentic self and take back control
Why Choose Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy? It's a common crossroads many of us face: feeling the weight of life's challenges and yet seeking support is so difficult, hesitating at the thought of investing in ourselves financially, more over why should you choose Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy over traditional methods, and what is the real cost? The Price Tag vs. The Treasure Within Before delving into the financial aspects, let's explore what Transformational Life Coaching is. It's a process that guides you in exploring and rearranging your thoughts, emotions, and actions to align more closely with your true self and your deepest aspirations. It's not just about solving a problem; it's about embarking on a journey of self-realisation and empowerment. Who is supporting your growth? Let's consider a few questions around the choices you may be making at the moment. What aspects of my life could benefit from change? Why do I feel these areas are important? How are you navigating this challenge at the moment? How important is it for you to make that change? Understanding the Investment Cost Concerns - The Initial Hurdle: Yes, my services come with a price tag. It's an investment of your resources, and it's natural to be cautious. However balancing cost of the impact of your life always has a price. The Misconception Transformational Life Coaching isn't counselling or therapy. Counselling focuses on addressing specific issues and emotions, Therapy delves deeper into understanding and healing psychological wounds, Life Coaching is a professional partnership that empowers individuals to set and achieve meaningful goals, maximise their potential, and lead more fulfilling lives. Transformational Life Coaching combines everything into one powerful modality, empowering individuals to achieve their goals and create lasting positive change, by finding the root cause to the challenge then providing a path to bring these new insights into your reality. Often, we view such services in the same light as buying a tangible product. However, Transformational Life Coaching is an investment in your most valuable asset – YOU. Value and Return Beyond Monetary Gains: The returns from Transformational Life Coaching are not always quantifiable in currency. Would you like to manifest improved mental health, better relationships, career advancement, and overall life satisfaction? The positive changes you will experience often radiate into other areas of your life, creating a compounding effect of benefits. Anyone who knows about investing, knows the power of compounding, this creates a ripple effect where one small move can create a wave that changes your life forever. Many talking therapies feel more like taking the heavy pack off your back so you can rest, cope and manage that weight. Why not travel lighter, smarter and quicker. How do you presently measure the value of personal growth and happiness? What price are you putting on your well-being and fulfilment? Why do you feel change can't happen? What do you need to make that change? The Power of Transformational Coaching Why take the next step? I offer personalised support, tailored to your unique challenges and goals, empowering you to feel safe and supported allowing you to break through the loneliness we often find ourselves submerged in. This individualised approach ensures that you're not just receiving generic advice, but a roadmap designed specifically for your journey. My role is to empower you to take charge of your life, providing tools, strategies and insights to build confidence. This is more than just logical processes, habits are driven by emotion, therefore finding the root cause to that block and barrier is at the heart of Transformational Coaching. It creates head/heart coherence. I am your partner in accountability, helping you stay on track and celebrate your milestones. The skills and insights gained from your experience extend far beyond the sessions. They become integral parts of your life, influencing your decisions and actions long-term. So before you ask what is the cost consider the following questions: What long-lasting changes do you wish to see in my life? How might the journey of coaching assist in achieving these changes? Remember, the question isn't just "What does it cost?" but rather, "What value will it bring to my life?" and "Am I ready to invest in my own growth and happiness? Why not book a FREE call and experience the value of this life changing modality today
As parents, teachers and social beings our responsibility is to ensure the next generation are stronger healthier and fitter than us.
In a world so disconnected we believe the answers to connection lie outside us, when in fact the truth lies in the shadows of the things we do not want to see How do you then navigate to build a life which brings love, peace, purpose and freedom?