What you are about to read is uncomfortable, it's supposed to be, why?

Two years ago I discovered something, something most highly successful people know, and something many unethical business owners take advantage of and in the middle sits the privileged few who shine love and light but in the shadows fear.

Over the past 12 months as my business continues to financial fail, and I emotionally grow in wisdom, gathering more data about the Matrix, this path however is lonely.

This blog is for the Mavericks who dare to walk in faith, truth and pain, because they believe in true purpose, which lies beyond worshipping the mighty pound or dollar. They truly believe they can make a better world for all.

Be under no illusion, I am not anti-money, infact I love money, but not for status, glory or proof of success, but as a tool for good.

Everyday I wake feeling sick wishing it would all end - The Echo

Let's dive in

To make it clear if anyone believes I am successful financial, that I have a thriving business with a long client list then let me share a truth. I am not and everyday I wake feeling sick and embarrassed that I need to rely on my wife and parents to bail me out over and over again.

24 hours ago I sat reflecting why in 2018 I didn't take my life, I used to say it was because I didn't want my wife and kids to have to deal with that, but here's the truth. I never commited suicide, because I was too scared I would mess that up too, and I would end up paralysed or even worse trapped in a physical body I couldn't use.

Those thoughts, feelings echo still today and it hurts. It hurts not to share my gifts with the world, the constant yearning for death to come echoes, but I have come to understand that these are oppotunities to discover more about my shadow self, however painful.

Let me explain.........

The Four Pillars of Success

As a former police officer one of my greatest skills is investigation, and at alot of expense I have tried to get in as many rooms as possible because there are 4 parts to success and I don't mean financial success, that's a result.

What you want vs what you need  - This is where the choice between integrity to self begins. The vast majority of people cling to external beliefs, without challenging the narrative. They believe what others believe due to one simple need, survival. To challenge is to disconnect and for the mind that means death. The ego does not wish to die.

Why you need something - Many people do not understand why they act, react and move through the world. Most people are on auto pilot, and taking radical responsibility to stand in truth comes at a cost. one most are not willing to pay. The world we live in today is a consequence of that.

Communicating who we are - Let's be honest, pause right now and ask yourself this "Do I show up in the world who I truly am or do I suffer inside to fit in with my surroundings"?

The vast majority of us Judge or Fear Judgement, Shame others or Feel Ashamed, Guilt others or Feel Guilty, and we all try to validate who we are, for one reason, we want to feel connected and loved, but what is the cost?

Environment - Most of us crave environments with people like ourselves, even if that version of us is not our truth. This one aspect of life is the cornerstone required for the mind to function and for us to grow as humans, but what if your environment doesn't suit your truth?

Love and Fear

I cannot tell you the pain in being surrounded by people who say they care, but whose actions cause you to want to end it all because they fear. I don't say this out of malice but out of love. If I wasn't here, if I wasn't trying to bring hope, love and connection to the world then I wouldn't be hurting people.

My journey thus far has taken me into darkness many will never see. Although painful, the more I lean into it, the sickness, the suicidal thoughts, the disconnection, the shame, the guilt, the imasculation. The more I learn about who I really am, and that gives me comfort. Comfort that at least amidst the rejection, the ghosting, the failure, I sit in my authentic truth, with a divine purpose to help those who wish to sit in theirs.

In fact I share this not out of pity or shame but love. If one person reads this and it gives them hope they are not alone, then sharing these deep thoughts, feelings and experiences brings me joy that one person may silently feel heard.

God and the Devil

About 18 months ago I spoke with an amazing powerful coach called Pete Cohen at an event organised by Matt Fiddes (Micheal Jacksons former Body Guard) Pete asked me a question "Marcus have you read Outwitting the Devil by Napolean Hill", I was aware of Think and Grow Rich by the same author, so I was intruged. That booked changed everything and it led me via Chelsey Baker CEO of National Mentoring Day to start to understand God in a different way.

Why is this important?

Hill's book was written in the 1930's but wasn't published until 2011, for good reason, it opens the door to the truth.

What's more, the deeper you dive into the darkness of self and the more you shine your light, the more you surrender to love, to God, the more painful the experience becomes and this has been written in scriptures and texts for millenia.

For me, I have yet to find the teacher who will raise me up financially, so others see my light.

However I have become more decerning in who I share my energy in the hope God will reward my service.

Most guru's and even religions empower by fear, often masked as love.

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”   2 Corinthians 11:14

You see most who talk of success are not walkng in the light, they are shining a light to mask the dark.

Have you ever been to an event which talks of transformation and then you buy a course or sign up for a Mastermind to find all you are given is information, you pay to be in a group which very few people benefit and those who do, if you dig deeper have:

1. Financial backing
2. Social status, either former or present
3. A strong network able to lift them up

I have spent thousands believing that I could build a business based on truth, ethics and hardwork, but the simple truth is unless you can play the game of business, often selling your soul to fit in, you will not be lifted, in fact you will be targeted, because their is a dark force at work.

The Science

The next part may make people feel uncomfortable so let's start with some science.

When you come to know your truth and live from a place of deep self-awareness, you naturally become a mirror to others, reflecting the wounds, fears, and insecurities they’ve not yet faced. This can unconsciously trigger their pain, leading them to reject, criticise, or attack you, not because of who you are, but because your presence unsettles the illusion they use to survive.

Freud called this “projection”, a defence mechanism where people attribute their own unacceptable feelings to someone else: “We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love.” (Freud).

Jung expanded on this by saying, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves,” highlighting how our reactions to others are often reflections of our inner wounds.

Adler, with his focus on social dynamics, observed, “The greater the feeling of inferiority, the more powerful the urge to conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation.”

I am aware that my truth challenges their silence, and so might yours, and in doing so, exposes what they’re not yet ready to see.

When you live in truth and deep self-awareness, you become a mirror, reflecting back the unresolved wounds in others. As Freud explained through projection, and Jung through shadow work, this reflection unsettles those still living in fear and denial.

Ask yourself is the world full of love or fear at the moment and which do you wish to live in?

Napoleon Hill, in Outwitting the Devil, names this fear-driven existence as "drifting" a life ruled by external control, conditioned thought, and avoidance of truth.

He writes, “Fear is the tool of a man-made devil.”

When you break free from that drift and claim your truth, you disrupt the system built to keep people asleep.

God

But this is nothing new. Since the beginning, those who awaken to truth have faced resistance. You may have heard of a guy called Jesus, he kinda disrupted the matrix and it didn't end well.

As you rise in awareness, what many call Christ consciousness you align with love, freedom, and divine truth, this isn't some Woo Woo bullshit, it's freedom and this is precisely what the enemy fears. The devil thrives on fear, division, and spiritual blindness. When you begin to see clearly and live boldly, you become a threat to that darkness.

Jesus warned of this: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

Christ consciousness is not religion, it is a state of awakened being rooted in love, clarity, and divine truth. The moment you begin to embody it, you disrupt the systems of fear, control, and spiritual blindness.

Napoleon Hill, in Outwitting the Devil, reveals how most people are trapped in “hypnotic rhythm” a trance like state where conditioned thinking and fear keep them asleep. He writes that the devil uses this mental drift to manipulate minds, keeping people reactive, obedient, and blind to higher truth.

The irony is I use the same methods to wake people up.

The Bible echoes this, warning in 2 Corinthians 11:14, “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.” The enemy doesn’t just attack from the outside, he works through others, often using people close to us, who unknowingly act out of fear and deception. Their attacks are not from their soul but from the influence of a spirit that fears awakening.

When you rise in love, they feel subconsciously threatened, not by you, but by the truth you reflect.

This battle is not new. It is spiritual warfare, between fear and love, sleep and awakening. Yet the promise remains: “Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18) and this is where I place my hope and action.

When you choose love, you expose the lie. When you awaken, you invite others to see, but not all are ready.

Jesus's message was one of light, truth, and liberation. Yet, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).

Those trapped in darkness fear the light because it exposes what they have hidden. Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32), but he also warned, “You will be hated by everyone because of me” (Matthew 10:22). Why?

Because truth awakens, and awakening threatens systems built on control.

To walk in truth is to walk the narrow path, one that challenges fear, confronts falsehoods, and ultimately leads to freedom through love.

This path however is not one that is easy, and most do not wish to wake up, because to do so means facing darkness, it cannot be avoided but with the right help it can be conquered.

Are you Fear or Light?

Have you ever felt that your presence, your voice, or your gifts make others uneasy?

That when you stand in your power, some around you try to shrink you not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because your light reflects something they’re not ready to face?

You are not alone. This is not a sign to hide it’s a sign to hold firm.

We live in a world that often rewards conformity and punishes authenticity. But your light, your truth, was not given to you for silence. It was given to you to shine.

Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before others, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

In 2018 when I broke, God spoke to me, I experienced a love I have never experienced before, that anchor is the only real thing that keeps me going, that I experienced something so powerful, that there must be a purpose to the pain, a plan I am not aware of, so my work is not just about therapy, coaching or mentoring, it’s a calling.

When others respond with fear or rejection, it feels personal, painful and I accept that this is a path I will walk alone. But I remember: fear is loud when truth walks in.

My light, your light might be a mirror, revealing parts of others they have hidden. It’s not our job to dim to make others comfortable. It’s our job to shine so that they, too, may remember their light.

The Bible promises us this: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). Darkness cannot defeat what is divine. And what is in you is divine.

Still, it’s not easy. Being the light in a room full of shadows can be lonely.

Shining your light isn’t about ego; it’s about authenticity. In spiritual terms, your light is your truth, your compassion, your creativity, your calling.

Stay in it. You never know who needs it to find their way.

So, if others fear you because of your light, don’t argue. Don’t beg to be understood. Shine anyway.

My Present

Why do I write this?

I considered hard whether I should share my daily struggles of feeling suicidal.
I considered how people may react.
I considered would this harm my business further.
Would people read this and and distance themselves from me.

If I don't share this with the world then how will others who feel this way find the light?
How will others who feel abandoned, lonely, suicidal, lost, find a way through?

My purpose is not to dim lights like others continue to do to me, but to amplify my light by amplifying others light.
My mission is to awaken others to their truth, to say to those people who feel lost, confused and abandoned - I got you.

At worst people will scorn, laugh and mock.

At best they will tell others of my mission and maybe just maybe by sitting in my light, my business will grow and the more it grows the more I can help others.

However I have no control over others, I only have the oppotunity to share my light.

Where in your life are you dimming your light to protect others' comfort?

What spaces make you feel small and where are you being called to expand?

Who celebrates your light without trying to control it?

Conclusion

I share my pain, not for sympathy or pity but to ask for help, so others do not have to suffer. For when light merges the shadows start to disappear.

Help me help others by telling them about me.

The world can only heal when we drive away fear and choose love.

Will you be brave enough, bold enough to stand with me and share this blog with others, I cannot do this alone so I ask for help.

Find out more

If you would like to findout more by creating a positive mindset and to discover your true authentic self then watch my Free Webinar, or give this to a friend, together we can make a real difference in the world.

Thank you Marcus