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When Feeling Anxious becomes Anxiety
Marcus Matthews • Sep 01, 2020
Most people wait until they are forced to seek help
I am going to let you into a secret. My own struggles with anxiety were never realised until my mind and body forced me down a path I was unwilling to go.
You don't go from feeling amazing and free to feeling the symptoms of stress and anxiety over night. Like poison dripping into a lake over time, it is only when the fish are gone and the lake is left dead and dying do we ask the question WHY?
You see you aren't born with anxiety, depression or in fact anything other than the will to live, survive and up to the age of around 8 we absorb our environment taking it as read, this is what life looks like. We learn this from family, friends, teachers and our environmental experiences.
After 8 we often start to look outside the tribe to seek purpose, fulfillment, to explore and try new things.
During this period we will often feel stress and anxiousness as we gain independence, questioning our own values and that of others. We create feelings as markers and then attach stories as a reference to justify them. How we are taught to de-code those experiences is often the difference between those who thrive and those who survive.
But when does that manifest into true anxiety?
We create a belief system that we are different, not good enough and that our story has been written and we will never escape, and why is it that we don't believe that story can change?
Well we are all different and the way we react and act is going to be influenced by what we believe about ourselves and the world, but based on what?
The image top right is taken from an article by my mentor Marisa Peer about Stress and Anxiety in Children.
https://marisapeer.com/stress-and-anxiety-in-children/
But I want you to consider that actual stress, anxiety, depression, illness, whatever label you want to attach are all based on our own inner child's reaction to the stories we tell ourselves everyday.
So consider are your thoughts yours now, or are they the voice of a small child trapped in a moment?
I am not going to give you tips and tricks about coping and managing anxiety because I would prefer to allow you to think about this feeling in a different way.
If you have ever suffered with any type of anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence and self esteem issue, where did that feeling first manifest?
If you took time you may well be able to pin point a moment, event, a trigger if you will.
Then I want you to consider how damaging that label has become and how you are given coping and managing techniques.
But also seek the evidence, because you weren't born feeling that way, so maybe that event was not the root cause at all.
NHS Do's for Stress
There is so much good work that goes into helping people, but look at the words of influence above from the people who are the experts, look at the words your inner child is locking onto.
Try, find out, use, plan, consider, listen.
All logical processes used to help reduce, cope and manage a feeling.
That feeling is not logical, it is emotional, irrational, subconscious. It is an emotion created long ago.
What advice would you give a 4 year old, I am guessing a coping strategy wouldn't be number one on the list.
If the root of your feelings were planted at 4, your subconscious beliefs, grounded in your mind at 6 and then those thoughts embedded until you were 45, no wonder you can't think, talk and create a strategy to feel free.
It is well documented that when our fight, flight or freeze response kicks in, logical communication decreases as the cloud of doubt descends in the form of cortisol.
These techniques, including breathing and medication only give a temporary reprieve and are fine when we feel anxious, but when that turns into anxiety we stand at a cross roads, one in which we either accept a label or we hide, hoping the world won't see us.
So consider this...................
If you did get help, do you want a label or do you want to feel free once more?
Do you want someone to give you a coping strategy and a kind ear to release that pain or an understanding of where that journey started and the tools to free yourself?
Why not consider getting to the root cause, the scene place event and time when that inner child changed and reverse the feeling with the knowledge you now have as an adult.
Consider that in 21 days or less you could start on a journey back to you.
Then consider getting in touch?
Your choice, Your Life, Your Dreams, Your Time.
This may be a difficult read for some, but try to see men from a different angle and not through the lens of the femine.
What is Manifestation and Law of Attraction?
When I broke I had one question - Why do I feel the way I do?
In the quest for success, many presume that the amalgamation of skill, authority, and financial prowess marks the zenith of achievement. Yet, experience and observation reveal a more complex tapestry defining true success. It's not merely about elevating oneself to a pedestal of societal recognition but about finding harmony in one's purpose, happiness, and, fundamentally, the environment one thrives in. Success, for many, is an external validation of achievement. However, this perception barely scratches the surface of what it truly means to be successful. The essence lies not in the accumulation of wealth or influence but in the ability to foster genuine relationships, nurture a sense of purpose, and, most importantly, cultivate an environment conducive to growth. The Role of Environment in Shaping Success A pivotal realisation in my journey has been that while skill, talent, passion, and hard work are critical, they pale in comparison to the influence of one's environment. This concept is subtly mirrored in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, although its interpretation requires delicacy. The foundational needs—physiological and safety—are undeniably crucial. Yet, their fulfillment alone doesn't guarantee success. It's the higher levels, particularly love, belongingness, and ultimately self-actualisation, that are the true catalysts for success. Breaking Maslow's Mold: The Path to True Success The journey to success often involves adhering to conventional paths, much like following Maslow's model. However, those who achieve remarkable success tend to deviate from this path, prioritising purpose and connection over mere survival or conformity. True success, therefore, might be better represented not by a pyramid but by a diamond—a symbol of strength, brilliance, and multifaceted depth. However like the diamond they are tought to find and the environment in which they reside can be a difficult environement to access. The Diamond Framework for Achieving Success To attain true success, one must embark on a journey of self-discovery, knowing oneself fully. This self-awareness breeds confidence and self-esteem, propelling one towards self-actualisation. However, the journey doesn't stop there. Success is a symphony played on the strings of thought, emotion, alignment with like-minded individuals, and a nurturing environment. 1. Thought: Knowing what you want. 2. Emotion: Understanding why you want it. 3. Alignment: Surrounding yourself with people who share your values and vision. 4. Environment: Being in a place that amplifies your desires and aspirations. It's a harmonious blend of these elements, set against the backdrop of a supportive environment, that paves the way for true success. The Mentorship Paradigm: From Luke Skywalker to Harry Potter Every iconic success story, from fictional heroes like Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter to real-life titans, features a pivotal moment of mentorship—a guide who says, "I've got you." This mentorship is a testament to the power of connection and authenticity. It's about showing up as your true self and creating a ripple effect that transcends your immediate surroundings. Success Redefined: A Ripple Across the World Success, in its most profound sense, is about more than just personal achievement. It's about creating connections that foster a broader impact, embodying your authentic self in a way that resonates with others and inspires a collective movement towards a greater good. In a world that often equates success with material gain, it's crucial to remember the deeper dimensions of success. It's not just about what you achieve but how you achieve it—through authenticity, purposeful connections, and a supportive environment that resonates with your true self. If you are still searching If you are still searching, waiting, although you are taking action then fear not, keep showing up to quote Winson Churchill "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It's the courage to continue that counts"
In 2018 I broke - I made a promise that I didn't want anyone to go through what I went through but this is what I have realised.
Forging Authentic Paths in a Mainstream World: Insights from Coffee Choices to Life's Biggest Decisions
In the ever-evolving landscape of business, understanding the human element—particularly the dichotomy between those who take and those who give—is crucial. At the heart of this understanding is a simple, yet profound concept: the importance of "sitting in the mud." For the heart-centered individuals among us, those whose essence is to support, uplift, and contribute to the collective well-being, the journey is often marked by selfless giving. Yet, this path is not without its challenges. The primary struggle for these altruistic souls is the depletion of their energy, not by the act of giving, but by the lack of reciprocal support and understanding. In a world that increasingly values quick fixes and tangible gains, the heart-centered find themselves in a precarious position. When they falter, when they find themselves "stuck in the mud," what they need most is not solutions or advice, but companionship. They need someone to simply be with them in their moment of vulnerability, to acknowledge their struggle without judgment or haste to rectify it. However, the reality often deviates from this ideal. Instead of presence, heart-centered individuals are met with well-intentioned solutions or, in more disheartening scenarios, abandonment. This dynamic forces them into silence, bearing their burdens alone to avoid burdening others. The irony is palpable: those who give the most find themselves invisible, their contributions and their needs overshadowed by a world that moves too fast to notice. The repercussions extend beyond the personal to the professional realm. In the context of team dynamics and brand building, the undervaluing of heart-centred individuals can lead to a profound loss. These are the people who foster trust, nurture relationships, and build the kind of brand loyalty that transcends transactional interactions. Yet, when their authenticity becomes a target for the self-centred, it's not just the individual that suffers, but the entire organisational culture and, by extension, the brand itself. So, how do we address this imbalance? The first step is recognition. Recognising the invaluable contributions of heart-centred team members and understanding their unique needs is foundational. As leaders and colleagues, we must learn the art of "sitting in the mud" with them. This means offering our presence, listening without the urge to fix, and valuing their well-being as much as their output. A great question to consider it "What do you need"? Not "What do you need from me, but what do you need"? Often it's to be seen and action taken to allow them to have purpose and meaning. Many heart centred people hide their dreams to put others before them, what they need is someone to sit in the mud and say "I got you, what do you need", they don't want pulling out of the mud they need to feel valued by action, not by words. Creating an environment where vulnerability is not just accepted but valued is key. This involves cultivating a culture of empathy, where every member feels seen, heard, and appreciated for their authentic selves. In such an environment, the heart-centred can thrive, and their propensity for giving can be sustained and protected. In conclusion, the strength of a team, and by extension a brand, lies in its ability to embrace and support all its members, especially those whose default mode is to give. By learning to sit in the mud with our heart-centred colleagues, we not only uplift them but elevate our collective potential. It's in these moments of shared vulnerability that the deepest connections are formed, laying the groundwork for a brand built on genuine trust and unwavering loyalty. This is how you create a brand that people love and connect to because it transcends the self to serve the world. If you resonate with this blog then why not get in touch. Need someone to help you step into your authentic self and take back control
Why Choose Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy? It's a common crossroads many of us face: feeling the weight of life's challenges and yet seeking support is so difficult, hesitating at the thought of investing in ourselves financially, more over why should you choose Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy over traditional methods, and what is the real cost? The Price Tag vs. The Treasure Within Before delving into the financial aspects, let's explore what Transformational Life Coaching is. It's a process that guides you in exploring and rearranging your thoughts, emotions, and actions to align more closely with your true self and your deepest aspirations. It's not just about solving a problem; it's about embarking on a journey of self-realisation and empowerment. Who is supporting your growth? Let's consider a few questions around the choices you may be making at the moment. What aspects of my life could benefit from change? Why do I feel these areas are important? How are you navigating this challenge at the moment? How important is it for you to make that change? Understanding the Investment Cost Concerns - The Initial Hurdle: Yes, my services come with a price tag. It's an investment of your resources, and it's natural to be cautious. However balancing cost of the impact of your life always has a price. The Misconception Transformational Life Coaching isn't counselling or therapy. Counselling focuses on addressing specific issues and emotions, Therapy delves deeper into understanding and healing psychological wounds, Life Coaching is a professional partnership that empowers individuals to set and achieve meaningful goals, maximise their potential, and lead more fulfilling lives. Transformational Life Coaching combines everything into one powerful modality, empowering individuals to achieve their goals and create lasting positive change, by finding the root cause to the challenge then providing a path to bring these new insights into your reality. Often, we view such services in the same light as buying a tangible product. However, Transformational Life Coaching is an investment in your most valuable asset – YOU. Value and Return Beyond Monetary Gains: The returns from Transformational Life Coaching are not always quantifiable in currency. Would you like to manifest improved mental health, better relationships, career advancement, and overall life satisfaction? The positive changes you will experience often radiate into other areas of your life, creating a compounding effect of benefits. Anyone who knows about investing, knows the power of compounding, this creates a ripple effect where one small move can create a wave that changes your life forever. Many talking therapies feel more like taking the heavy pack off your back so you can rest, cope and manage that weight. Why not travel lighter, smarter and quicker. How do you presently measure the value of personal growth and happiness? What price are you putting on your well-being and fulfilment? Why do you feel change can't happen? What do you need to make that change? The Power of Transformational Coaching Why take the next step? I offer personalised support, tailored to your unique challenges and goals, empowering you to feel safe and supported allowing you to break through the loneliness we often find ourselves submerged in. This individualised approach ensures that you're not just receiving generic advice, but a roadmap designed specifically for your journey. My role is to empower you to take charge of your life, providing tools, strategies and insights to build confidence. This is more than just logical processes, habits are driven by emotion, therefore finding the root cause to that block and barrier is at the heart of Transformational Coaching. It creates head/heart coherence. I am your partner in accountability, helping you stay on track and celebrate your milestones. The skills and insights gained from your experience extend far beyond the sessions. They become integral parts of your life, influencing your decisions and actions long-term. So before you ask what is the cost consider the following questions: What long-lasting changes do you wish to see in my life? How might the journey of coaching assist in achieving these changes? Remember, the question isn't just "What does it cost?" but rather, "What value will it bring to my life?" and "Am I ready to invest in my own growth and happiness? Why not book a FREE call and experience the value of this life changing modality today
As parents, teachers and social beings our responsibility is to ensure the next generation are stronger healthier and fitter than us.
In a world so disconnected we believe the answers to connection lie outside us, when in fact the truth lies in the shadows of the things we do not want to see How do you then navigate to build a life which brings love, peace, purpose and freedom?